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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30041214">featherweight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearWithAHat/pseuds/BearWithAHat'>BearWithAHat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Portrait de la jeune fille en feu | Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Light Angst, No Plot/Plotless, Not Canon Compliant, Ocean, bad symbolism, this is just me being sad and projecting tbh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 14:06:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30041214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearWithAHat/pseuds/BearWithAHat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Héloïse reflects on her past and her future as she and Marianne sit on the beach together. She does her best to make peace with her fate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Héloïse/Marianne (Portrait of a Lady on Fire)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>featherweight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ive been wanting to write fic for portrait for a while and i guess i just never felt like i was able to get around to it until now. taking a small break from my usual fandom so i definitely want to write some more for portrait tbh, if i ever have any ideas sjsjs. this is just me being sad for a bit and channeling it into a weird plotless fic.</p>
<p>title and general vibe of this is inspired by fleet foxes' 'featherweight', which i absolutely recommend. the whole album is fantastic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     The sand was warm from the midday’s sun, except for where Héloïse lay in its soft embrace. Shielded by her, it was cool against her skin where the sleeves of her dress ended and her bare forearms met the sand. Equally as cold was the sea, which lapped quietly and rhythmically at the shores just a few meters away; its push and pull was never ending, the constant guarantee of its breaking onto the beach being something that Héloïse was jealous of.</p>
<p>     Her own life had seemed as continuous and steady as the ocean’s undulations. Living on an isolated island meant that little changed for Héloïse when she was younger. All the people, places, and things never changed. Her mother and sister, their elegant home, church, and the swaying fields of grass had been unwavering as she grew up. </p>
<p>     The convent had been a ripple in the still waters of her world. Even then, Héloïse found that the days stayed fairly similar, a passage of time that felt endless from its structure. She thought that she would have been fine to stay at the convent for her entire life, and then she was pulled back to her home to find that she was being pushed into another fate entirely. The marriage she was so repulsed by was more than a ripple, it was a stone thrown in a pool by hands that weren’t hers. </p>
<p>     “You’re thinking about it again,” a gentle tone broke into Héloïse’s thoughts. </p>
<p>     Marianne smiled down at her and brought her back into the present moment. Her eyes held the same warmth as the sun overhead did, and the comforting presence that Héloïse found in them was constant like the sea’s reaching the sand.</p>
<p>     “How did you know?” Héloïse whispered. She was lying on the sand with her head in Marianne’s lap, and looking up at her was relieving.</p>
<p>     “When you’re scared of your future, you seem to look right through me,” Marianne hummed, delicately brushing her hand through Héloïse’s blonde hair.</p>
<p>     Héloïse let out a deep breath. In her heart she knew Marianne was right; when she thought of her impending marriage, it made her heart race and the blood rush out of her face, and Héloïse hated that it was so easy for the other woman to tell when she was distressed. Marianne was so good at reading people, something that must have come easy to her after spending hours staring at people to capture their likeness. Héloïse recalled the artist talking about how a person’s eyes could make or break a portrait, how they could tell so much about someone and their emotions. </p>
<p>     What she saw as she gazed up into Marianne’s eyes was the only thing keeping her grounded. Héloïse blinked back tears and reached up to trail her fingers over Marianne’s cheek.</p>
<p>     “I don’t want this to happen,” she said, “I can’t stop it but I want to. Not like my sister did.”</p>
<p>     “I know, and if there was something I could do to stop it, I would do it in a heartbeat," Marianne assured her in a quiet tone. She closed her eyes briefly and put her hand over Héloïse's on her cheek, pressing them together for a moment.</p>
<p>     Even though they had spent relatively little time together, Héloïse felt like she had known Marianne for her entire life, and she never wanted what they had to end. It was the loveliest thing she had ever experienced, though it was perhaps the most bittersweet too. She knew that they would be parting ways eventually, with Marianne leaving to resume her painting business and Héloïse being whisked away to be some aristocrat's wife and eventually a mother too. If it were up to Héloïse, she would spend the rest of her life as she was in that moment, laying on the beach with her head in Marianne's lap. They could just look into each other's eyes for the rest of time, they could disappear into the ocean together and Héloïse could drown in Marianne's love.</p>
<p>     "Do you think I worry about my future too much? Is this all just something in my head?" Héloïse sighed, squinting up at her. Marianne's lips curled into a subtle smile and she patted the sand next to her. Héloïse sat up and shifted in the sand to sit next to Marianne, looking to her curiously for what she was going to say next.</p>
<p>     "It makes sense that you're worried, don't dismiss your troubles. The future will come no matter what we do, unfortunately. We can do our best to be prepared for it, but don't let yourself live in the future quite yet. Just live with me right here, right now," Marianne said as she laced their fingers together, and her gentle expression and mannerisms made Héloïse exhale her worries out.</p>
<p>     She nodded, glancing down at her hand in Marianne's for a second before her lover leaned closer to meet her lips in a kiss. Héloïse let her eyes fall closed, the sensation of Marianne's soft lips commanding every one of her senses. The murmur of a breeze on her skin, the sun overhead and the birds that passed overhead were nothing to Héloïse in that moment. Marianne's kisses were sweet and when they parted, Héloïse felt a fleeting moment of loss.</p>
<p>    "My mother keeps telling me that things always happen for a reason and I should be overjoyed at the opportunity marriage will bring for me. I've been trying to see it like that. There isn't a silver lining in everything though, is there?" Héloïse spoke after a silent moment, looking out to the sea.</p>
<p>     Marianne let out a quiet sigh and said, "I suppose its human nature to go looking for some sort of reason or lesson with everything. But you're right, sometimes things just<em> are. </em>Especially for women, we have such little say in our own lives."</p>
<p>     They sat in silence for a few minutes. The only sounds were the occasional breezes rustling their skirts and the ocean breaking upon the shore, and Héloïse decided that she wished she could be the ocean, a mighty part of the earth that did not exist to be worth something to anyone. The sea kept on ebbing and flowing, regardless of what some gentleman in Milan thought about it. Perhaps Marianne should paint the sea, Héloïse thought.</p>
<p>     "How about we bathe in the sea, like you've been wanting to?" Marianne suggested. There was a twinkle in her eye that Héloïse was unable to say no to.</p>
<p>     Together, the two women shed the layers of their skirts and bodices, unlacing each other's stays, until they were left in their chemises and walked hand in hand into the boundless ocean. It was cold, and Héloïse drew in a sharp breath when she felt its icy hands curling around her ankles for the first time. Right next to her and clutching her hand, Marianne laughed, and the sound of it carried fresh life to Héloïse. She smiled too, forgetting her initial shock at the coldness.</p>
<p>     As they waded further and further until the water was up to their waists, Héloïse stayed by Marianne's side, unsure of her ability to swim. She looked down in amazement at the water, which gently swayed and tossed her around. It was a private liberation to Héloïse. For once, she felt like she was in control, even as the waters tried to push or pull her one way or the other. She stood strong on her own, firmly rooted to the sands beneath her and to Marianne, grasping her hand.</p>
<p>     Despite the sway of the currents, Héloïse held on as tightly to Marianne as Marianne did unto her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope this sort of made sense ajshjdfhj</p>
<p>my tumble is @esteboo-ocon, i mostly blog about formula 1 and history but feel free to say hi or something.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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